| Sunday, May 1, 2005 |
| Ensconced in Wisconsin |
Joseph Franklin, Ed Gein, Jeffrey Dahmer Earl Nelson, Herman Mudgett, Pee Wee Gaskins, John Wayne Gacy.
Wisconsin has a rich history of serial killers. Even Charles Manson was on his way to close escrow on a house
outside of Eau Claire when that bitch Sharon Tate got in the way.
For the most part, Wisconsin is an innocuous place, with above average beer and fatty food consumption, but
harmless really. There is nothing in the geography which one could reasonably attribute all of these separate
instances of multiple mutilations and homicides.
There can only be a societal factor involved, and I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the Wisconsin
Department of Motor Vehicles. As exhibit A, I submit my own driver’s license photo. As you see, the photo makes
me look like a serial killer, as did the one previous to that, and the one before that.
While I may not be treating a bad case of sash-burn around my neck from all the beauty contests I’m winning, I think
that those who have seen me in person will testify that I do not have the aura of a serial killer, and yet the not-so-
subtle DMV magics are at work all around my face and hair.
As further proof of the bureaucratic conspiracy, the following anecdote:
I ask you, is there no stopping this madman factory gone mad, man?
Wisconsin has a rich history of serial killers. Even Charles Manson was on his way to close escrow on a house
outside of Eau Claire when that bitch Sharon Tate got in the way.
For the most part, Wisconsin is an innocuous place, with above average beer and fatty food consumption, but
harmless really. There is nothing in the geography which one could reasonably attribute all of these separate
instances of multiple mutilations and homicides.
There can only be a societal factor involved, and I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the Wisconsin
Department of Motor Vehicles. As exhibit A, I submit my own driver’s license photo. As you see, the photo makes
me look like a serial killer, as did the one previous to that, and the one before that.
While I may not be treating a bad case of sash-burn around my neck from all the beauty contests I’m winning, I think
that those who have seen me in person will testify that I do not have the aura of a serial killer, and yet the not-so-
subtle DMV magics are at work all around my face and hair.
As further proof of the bureaucratic conspiracy, the following anecdote:
I ask you, is there no stopping this madman factory gone mad, man?
In 2002 I was traveling through Wisconsin and it was time to renew my drivers
license. I went to the DMV, paid the fee to Patty, and she sent me down to Selma at
the other end of the counter to have my picture taken.
The first thing I had done that particular morning was to shave my head and face, I
was smooth and shiny walking in the door. What I walked out with is the picture you
see here.
was smooth and shiny walking in the door. What I walked out with is the picture you
see here.
If one considers that adulthood in the idiot child culture that we live begins when
one gets a drivers license, is it any surprise the when faced with an entire lifetime of
a psychopath staring back from your state issued ID, that those prone to acting on
that impulse would be less likely to squelch the urge?
one gets a drivers license, is it any surprise the when faced with an entire lifetime of
a psychopath staring back from your state issued ID, that those prone to acting on
that impulse would be less likely to squelch the urge?